I honestly don't know what's wrong with me, I'm writing but it's not coming out right, and I'm making some really dumbass mistakes

Oh well, did it turn out ok anyway?
SCENE NINETY-FOUR. INT. FORUM ARCHIVES - DAY.
Blackness. The humming machines and the beeping of monitoring equipment can be heard softly in the background, seeming as if it was muffled by something, being projected through several layers of thick cloth. We become accustomed to the silence, then hear a pained moaning in the background. Then a chuckle.
SANDWICH: Welcome to the world of the living.
We cut from black. We are hanging inside a small room, crowded with computers and equipment. On the central table lies SHRIKE, wires and hoses protruding from his damaged flesh. Computers hum in the background, and on the border of the shadows, we see a brooding KALFIRETH, watching keenly over the entire scene. SANDWICH is standing over him, smirking slightly. SHRIKE moans once more, and SANDWICH leans over, rapping SHRIKE's forhead with a nuckle.
SANDWICH: Oh come off it. You've had worse.
SHRIKE slowly opens his eyes and laboriously turns to look at SANDWICH.
SHRIKE: Dick...
SANDWICH frowns and turns to KALFIRETH behind him. KALFIRETH smiles.
KALFIRETH: Pay up.
SANDWICH reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small card. Handing it to KALFIRETH, he shakes his head and pauses.
SANDWICH: Everyone always says "what happened".
KALFIRETH: Apparantly not him. A bet's a bet, pay up.
SANDWICH sighs and hands him the card. Turning back to SHRIKE, he looks exasperated, and waves his arm as if to add meaning to his words.
SANDWICH: You see what you just did? You just lost me twenty.
SHRIKE smirks and looks around him.
SHRIKE: So...what did happen...
SANDWICH turns to look at KALFIRETH, who shakes his head, smiling. SANDWICH snaps his fingers and with a dissapointed expression on his face, turns back to face SHRIKE.
SANDWICH: Well...look for yourself.
He gestures towards the computer screens, where STYXX still stands, elaborating further on his plans. SHRIKE, turning to look, shakes his head.
SHRIKE: Bastard...
SANDWICH smiles gently. He addresses the back of SHRIKE's head.
SANDWICH: After he shot you, Kalfireth...
He gestures behind him at his companion.
SANDWICH: Found you and brought you here.
SHRIKE turns to look at SANDWICH.
SHRIKE: Where...is here?
SANDWICH: We're in the forum archives. Equipment's a little old, but it works.
He smiles. Looking around again, he stands up and claps his hands together.
SANDWICH: Well, you should be getting your rest...we're going to leave you alone for a bit. I don't know about you, but I'm starving.
SANDWICH turns and starts towards the door.
SHRIKE: Sandwich...
SANDWICH stops and turns, putting his hands on his hips.
SHRIKE: Shouldn't you be in jail...?
SANDWICH smiles and shrugs.
SANDWICH: What can I say? I'm naughty like that.
The pair smile at each other, and SANDWICH exits through the door, KALFIRETH in tow. The door whooshes shut behind them, and SHRIKE returns his gaze to the screens. He watches them with a blank, unfeeling expression, his eyes staring listlessly at the travesty unfolding before him. We fade to:
SCENE NINETY-FIVE. INT. MACHINA TERRA FORUM - DAY.
We see STYXX addressing a small group of forum members. Of them, LYNX, COBRA, KALFIRETH, and JOELOE are present. A tray of shot glasses is in front of them. JOELOE and COBRA have several drained glasses resting askew in front of them, JOELOE more so. LYNX has a single half finished cup, and KALFIRETH's immediate vicinity is alchohol free. STYXX is sitting in his chair, his palms together on the desk.
STYXX: Well, my friends...
He pauses. Smiling, he reaches forward and takes a shot glass from the tray. Raising it, he tilts it just a tad and grins.
STYXX: Good job!
He downs the drink in one gulp, slamming it down on the table and exhaling sharply. The entire group smiles and takes a glass, KALFIRETH graciously refusing one. JOELOE reaches forward and snatches a glass off the tray. Shooting his arm high into the air, he laughs joyously.
JOELOE: Good job we really got them good job all!
He leans forward and chugs the entire glass, spilling most of it on himself and on the table. He slams it down and reaches forward, about to grab another one before COBRA, who has already finished his previous drink, snatches it out from under him. He chugs it, slightly less messily than JOELOE, then tosses it carelessly on the table. LYNX is still sipping on his. STYXX leans back in his chair.
STYXX: However...
The group stops and turns to look at him. COBRA's jaw droops slightly.
STYXX: There are still a few matters to take care of...
Leaning forward, he turns to LYNX.
STYXX: Such as the matter of the body. The fake one we put in the casket will keep the rest of the forum off of our backs, but until we have the real thing, we can not be sure of the success of our mission.
LYNX: Sir, we are searching high and low for it - all very low-key of course, using your private guards. However, due to our as of now limited numbers, the search is progressing slowly.
COBRA: Can I help? I can make my own search party too, we could team up.
STYXX shakes his hand at COBRA.
STYXX: How very kind of you Cobra, but fortunately for us your assistance is not required.
COBRA smiles and nods. He thinks over this for a few seconds, then suddenly his smile turns to a frown. STYXX, whom was watching him the whole time, smiles at this realization and turns to LYNX once more.
STYXX: Very well...and the Battlecruiser fleet?
LYNX: They will be in position within fourty eight hours.
STYXX: Excellent...
He turns to KALFIRETH.
STYXX: And our military?
KALFIRETH: Administrator has informed me that the new training procedures you requested are being put into effect.
STYXX: Good...very good...
JOELOE reaches for another glass. STYXX turns to him.
STYXX: I think that's quite enough for you, JoeLoe.
JOELOE sheepishly looks at him.
JOELOE: But I thought I could get anything I wanted did you lie to me?
STYXX: No...but I need to make sure that our alliance with the noobs will prove fruitful when the time arrives. You and Cobra are my inner link, and before you get any more intoxicated, I need to know if your forces are ready.
JOELOE stairs at STYXX blankly for a few seconds, then continues after the shot glass. STYXX shakes his head and turns to COBRA.
STYXX: Cobra...?
COBRA: Don't worry sir, the noobs have begun registering at an increased pace. Our numbers are multiplying exponentially.
STYXX: Good...better than good, even. Excellent...
He pauses and looks down, contemplating. After awhile, he looks up again.
STYXX: Is there any more business that must be discussed?
He looks to each of the members around him. When no answer is given, he stands. The others, with the exception of JOELOE, follow suit.
STYXX: Very well. Gentlemen, it has been...
He looks at JOELOE, who is face down on the table, a puddle of drool forming underneath him.
STYXX: Mostly a pleasure...but I am afraid duty calls. Please return to your work, and report back to me if anything warrants it.
He walks to the door and opens it. Gesturing outside with a finger, he points at JOELOE. As two Defense Guards, dressed in black, enter the room and begin to drag JOELOE away, the assembly begins to file out. We fade to: