[redsniper]

This letter is not meant to be witty or insulting and I am afraid I won't even be able to make it eloquent. But I will do the best I can to reveal some shocking facts about Hard Light Productions's objectives. Note that some of the facts I plan to use in this letter were provided to me by a highly educated person who managed to escape Hard Light Productions's militant indoctrination and is consequently believable. I once had a nightmare in which Hard Light Productions was free to redefine humanity as alienated machines/beasts and then convince everyone that they were never human to begin with. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the case both in my nightmare and in reality that if the human race is to survive on this planet, we will have to combat the delusional ideology of teetotalism that has infected the minds of so many sinister, petty mafia dons. I once overheard Hard Light Productions say something quite astonishing. Are you strapped in? Hard Light Productions said that it does the things it does "for the children". Can you believe that? At least its statement made me realize that it is not only immoral, but amoral.

Hard Light Productions's attempts to mock, ridicule, deprecate, and objurgate people for their religious beliefs are much worse than mere fanaticism. They are hurtful, malicious, criminal behavior and deserve nothing less than our collective condemnation. There are some simple truths in this world. First, Hard Light Productions is a black-belt master of antidisestablishmentarianism. Second, Hard Light Productions has lost contact with reality. And finally, Hard Light Productions likes to prevent me from getting my work done. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Hard Light Productions and its yes-men will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must champion the force of goodness against the greed of contentious gits. Hard Light Productions has gotten away with so much for so long that it's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits. If you think about it, only an organization without any sense of limits could desire to bury our heritage, our traditions, and our culture. I wouldn't want to endorse a complete system of leadership by mobocracy. I would, on the other hand, love to lead Hard Light Productions out of a dream world and back to hard reality. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter.

Ageism, as a social philosophy, is predatory. Surprisingly, the courts and our elected officials are way ahead of Hard Light Productions in embracing this simple fact. Are you still with me? I am not mistaken when I say that Hard Light Productions says that everyone would be a lot safer if it were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions -- even our library records. Why on Earth does Hard Light Productions need to monitor our library records? This is not a question that we should run away from. Rather, it is something that needs to be addressed quickly and directly, because Hard Light Productions keeps telling us that granting it complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. Are we also supposed to believe that its treatises are not worth getting outraged about? I didn't think so.

I apologize if what I'm saying sounds painfully obvious, painfully self-evident. However, it is so extremely important that I must obviously say it. Hard Light Productions's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Hard Light Productions's encomiasts, who loudly proclaim that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. Regardless of those violent proclamations, the truth is that some people assert that forbearance and kindly deportment are lost upon Hard Light Productions. Others maintain that Hard Light Productions's ruses are a parody of original thought. In the interest of clearing up the confusion, I'll make the following observation: If pessimism were an Olympic sport, Hard Light Productions would clinch the gold medal. Even if Hard Light Productions's biases were completely successful in making a few people feel better, they would still be demeaning to everyone else. It is tempting to look for simple solutions to that problem, but there are no simple solutions. Whenever there's an argument about Hard Light Productions's devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that Hard Light Productions's sycophants constitute the only known species of animal life that is both mammalian and invertebrate. That should settle the argument pretty quickly.

Hard Light Productions's argument that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids is hopelessly flawed and totally circuitous. Hard Light Productions appears to have found a new tool to use to help it fund a vast web of unimaginative wonks, counter-productive, execrable iconoclastic-types, and treasonous varmints. That tool is charlatanism, and if you watch it wield it, you'll definitely see why it finds enemies everywhere. Regular readers of my letters probably take that for granted, but if I am to go placidly amid the noise and haste, I must explain to the population at large that if its thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, Hard Light Productions wouldn't consider it such a good idea to suppress people's instinct and intellect. If you can make any sense out Hard Light Productions's foul-mouthed codices, then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did. If Hard Light Productions isn't antihumanist, I don't know who is.

Hard Light Productions knows how to lie. It's too bad it doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. Hard Light Productions is reluctant to resolve problems. It always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that our battle with it is a battle between spiritualism and phallocentrism, between tradition and subversion, between the defenders of Western civilization and its enemies. With the battle lines drawn as such, it is abundantly clear that Hard Light Productions's rank-and-file followers all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way it keeps them loyal to it is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them.

Hard Light Productions wants to up the ante considerably. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is Hard Light Productions's gossamer grasp of reality. I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I suspect that there is, because our national media is controlled by disgraceful euphuists. That's why you probably haven't heard that Hard Light Productions has recently been going around claiming that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is. You really have to tie your brain in knots to be gullible enough to believe that junk. There is a simple answer to the question of what to do about Hard Light Productions's words. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them.

Nobody wants Hard Light Productions to empty garbage pails full of the vilest slanders and defamations on the clean garments of honorable people, but Hard Light Productions insists on doing it anyway. For what it's worth, I unequivocally hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Hard Light Productions does any real damage. Or is it already too late? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how in order to convince us that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication, Hard Light Productions often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe Hard Light Productions's line that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of hateful stereotypes. Unfortunately for it, I realize that if Hard Light Productions thinks that it can make me leave the country, then it's barking up the wrong tree. If Hard Light Productions wants to transform our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore, fine. Just don't make me tear off all my clothes and run naked down the street while it's at it.

Hard Light Productions is inherently putrid, insensate, and unsophisticated. Oh, and it also has a feral mode of existence. My purpose is to push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. Most of the battles I fight along the way are exigencies, not long-range educational activities. Nevertheless, Hard Light Productions's faculty for deception is so far above anyone else's, it really must be considered different in kind as well as in degree. Most people don't realize this, but Hard Light Productions has, in fact, presented evidence in support of its claim that it has the trappings of deity. Of course, its evidence has been rather flimsy in the credibility department. It's generally a lot easier to find evidence that I have a scientist's respect for objective truth. That's why I'm telling you that Hard Light Productions is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when batty losers repeat the mistakes of the past. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that Hard Light Productions commands an army of robots that live in the hollow center of the earth and produce earthquakes whenever they feel like shaking things up a bit on the surface. And fear of pharisaical gutter-dwellers like Hard Light Productions who challenge all I stand for.

In general, Hard Light Productions is out to canonize childish geeks as nomological emblems of propriety. And when we play its game, we become accomplices. I'm willing to accept that the word on the street is that there is not a single word in that sentence that Hard Light Productions can take exception to. I'm even willing to accept that its lickspittles, who are legion, will have to stop shouting "Me, me!" and learn to harmonize on "Us, us!". But its vaporings are filled with a number of very clear-cut and blatant lies -- lies of both omission and commission. I put that observation into this letter just to let you see that what I have been writing up to this point is not what I initially intended to write in this letter. Instead, I decided it would be far more productive to tell you that Hard Light Productions is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. Within a short period of time, however, Hard Light Productions is likely to switch to some sort of "pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. Hard Light Productions's causeries are popular among drugged-out pillocks, but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to accept them. Already, some lazy beatniks have begun to go to great lengths to conceal Hard Light Productions's true aims and mislead the public, and with terrifying and tragic results. What ultimata will follow from their camp is anyone's guess. When you get right down to it, we must give parents the means to protect their children. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time. And that's what writing this sort of letter is all about. It's a way to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences.


If you read the whole thing, I applaud you. This is just a joke created with Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator.

[Admiral Cheater]

Nice!

Here's mine:

My complaint about GTVA Command

I kept my silence when GTVA Command announced it wanted to use our weaknesses to its advantage. I did nothing when it tried to gain a respectable foothold for its bumptious screeds. But its latest announcements are the straw that breaks the camel's back. Instead of focusing on why it justifies its plans to subject human beings to indignities as "preemptive self-defense", I would like to remind people that I do not find reports that are brainless, covinous, and vulgar to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe it has announced its intentions to require schoolchildren to be taught that it should attack my character because "it's the right thing to do". While doing so may earn GTVA Command a gold star from the mush-for-brains commercialism crowd, it teaches workshops on collectivism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp. GTVA Command has been a faithful servant of insecure interests for as long as I can remember. This applies first and foremost to a den of thieves under whose insane brand of credentialism the whole of honest humanity is suffering: GTVA Command's army of mumpish card sharks. Did GTVA Command get dropped on its head when it was young, or did it take massive doses of drugs to believe that it has the mandate of Heaven to exert more and more control over other individuals? To ask that question another way, is it so wretched as to think that this can go on forever? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how GTVA Command commonly appoints ineffective people to important positions. It then ensures that these people stay in those positions because that makes it easy for GTVA Command to evoke a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances. One could make a strong argument that we must publicly distance ourselves from fork-tongued creeps. Let's remember that.

Although theoretical differences can be drawn between GTVA Command's irritable viewpoints and indelicate immoralism, these are distinctions without a difference. What so many people find difficult to grasp is that I have a New Year's resolution for GTVA Command: It should pick up a book before it jumps to the intolerant conclusion that it has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring itself to help disseminate the True Faith of allotheism.

It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of rebarbative polyloquent-types like GTVA Command can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. For those who need very specific examples in order to grasp the significance of GTVA Command's sophistries, I'll give a very specific example: Think for a moment about the way that I deeply believe that it's within our grasp to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. Be grateful for this first and last tidbit of comforting news. The rest of this letter will center around the way that we've tolerated its venom-spouting exegeses long enough. It's time to lose our patience and chill our kindness. It's time to ensure that we survive and emerge triumphant out of the coming chaos and destruction. It's time to shout to the world that its prognoses are based on a denial of reality, on the substitution of a deliberately falsified picture of the world in place of reality. And this dishonesty, this refusal to admit the truth, will have some very serious consequences for all of us within a short period of time. GTVA Command has never tried to stop treasonous litterbugs who engage in an endless round of finger pointing. In fact, quite the opposite is true: GTVA Command encourages that sort of behavior. As I often like to put it, to join GTVA Command's polity, one must deal with membership rules, brainwashing rituals, huge amounts of money, and meeting locations enveloped in secrecy. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that GTVA Command must sense its own irremediable inferiority. That's why it is so desperate to drag everything that is truly great into the gutter; it's the only way for it to distinguish themselves from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if GTVA Command also realized that its half-measures will have consequences -- very serious consequences. And we ought to begin doing something about that. The basal lie that underlies all of GTVA Command's smarmy notions is that its blessing is the equivalent of a papal imprimatur. Translation: GTVA Command is a paragon of morality and wisdom. I doubt you need any help from me to identify the supreme idiocy of those views, but you should nevertheless be aware that it's not the boogeyman that our children need to worry about. It's GTVA Command. Not only is GTVA Command more uneducated and more rotten than any envisaged boogeyman or bugbear, but GTVA Command's ideals are not an abstract problem. They have very concrete, immediate, and unpleasant consequences. For instance, if anything will free us from the shackles of GTVA Command's headstrong apothegms, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that we must take advantage of a rare opportunity to provide some balance to its one-sided insinuations. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to protect our peace, privacy, and safety.

[BS403]

My complaint about Derek Smart

Having just been exposed to Derek Smart's intemperate, intolerant apologues, I ponder how best to express my disgust at Derek's total lack of sensitivity and reasoning. Some background is in order: If you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. Derek is incapable of empathizing or identifying with others. Still, I recommend you check out some of Derek's practices and draw your own conclusions on the matter. I'm at loggerheads with him on at least one important issue. Namely, Derek argues that his ruses are not worth getting outraged about. I take the opposite position, that I want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Derek still has the ability to displace meaningful discussion of an issue's merit or demerit with hunch and emotion. In such a brief letter as this, I certainly cannot refute all the holier-than-thou attitudes of ignominious drongos, but perhaps I can brush away some of their most deliberate and flagrant contrivances. My crusades are clearly in defense of decency and human dignity and violate nobody's rights, pure and simple. It is incumbent upon all of us to confront Derek's convictions head-on. (Actually, Derek should take all the bull-pucky he's been throwing at us and fertilize his garden with it but that's not important now.)

Derek insists that hooliganism and ageism are identical concepts. This is a rather strong notion from someone who knows so little about the subject. For the moment, he makes no secret of the fact that there's no shortage of sin in the world today. It's been around since the Garden of Eden and will honestly persist as long as Derek continues to kill the goose bearing the golden egg. Noxious, raucous barrators, more than any other segment of the population, like to funnel significant amounts of money to scurrilous stumblebums. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintain -- with a straight face -- that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that Derek's ideological colors may have changed over the years. Nevertheless, his core principle has remained the same: to provide shabby conspiracies with the necessary asylum to take root and spread. If you don't believe me, then note that Derek likes to saddle the economy with crippling debt. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Derek and his cult followers will run for cover, like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must work together in an atmosphere of friendship and hope.

Derek's reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only recalcitrant answers, fastidious resolutions to conflicts. I will not quibble with Derek as to whether or not learning the truth can be a painful experience, especially for him. Instead, I'll simply state that you and I have a lot more class than Derek and leave it at that. He is frightened that we might focus on concrete facts, on hard news, on analyzing and interpreting what's happening in the world. That's why he's trying so hard to prevent whistleblowers from reporting that it has been said that it's time to put up or shut up. I, in turn, contend that there is no place in this country where we are safe from his patsies, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack. Derek is not only immoral, but amoral.

Derek is bad enough when he's alone, but he is even worse when he's joined by profligate, unsavory philosophasters. If he had even a shred of intellectual integrity, he'd admit that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that you should never forget the three most important facets of Derek's shell games, namely their ribald origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature. Derek's method (or school, or ideology -- it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of "Derek-ism". It is an ignorant and avowedly snivelling philosophy that aims to impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs. Given the amount of misinformation that he is circulating, I must point out that when he says that the average working-class person can't see through his chicanery, in his mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like he believes he has said something very profound. Regardless of whether we consider Derek a lunatic, an evil aggressor, or whatever, if we're to effectively carry out our responsibilities and make a future for ourselves, we will first have to take action. As I've said in the past, I can easily see him performing the following dissolute acts. First, Derek will go to great lengths to conceal his true aims and mislead the public. Then, he will rebrand local churches as faith-based emporia teeming with impulse-buy items. I do not profess to know how likely is the eventuality I have outlined, but it is a distinct possibility to be kept in mind.

Derek's wisecracks are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, if Derek succeeds in his attempt to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life, it'll have to be over my dead body. What I call bestial slumlords may possess a mass of "knowledge", but their brains are unable to organize and register the material they have taken in. Given Derek's record of shady dealings, we can say that he hates people who have huge supplies of the things he lacks. What Derek lacks the most is common sense, which underlies my point that he thinks it's good that his fulminations create a regime of lazy nepotism. It is difficult to know how to respond to such monumentally misplaced values, but let's try this: We ought to give our propaganda fighters an instrument that is very much needed at this time. That'll make Derek think once -- I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that he has previously given any thought to the matter -- before trying to assail all that is holy. Derek is absolutely determined to believe that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity, and he's not about to let facts or reason get in his way. He labels anyone he doesn't like as "sexist". That might well be a better description of Derek. Okay, this letter has become much too long so I'll just jump right to the punchline: Derek Smart should try being a little more open-minded.

[Huggybaby]

Awesome, that link is gold and I'm going to mess some people up with it! Thanks redsniper!

[Ashrak]

can someone summarise?

[Descenterace]

Brilliant!

Wonder how many people will read the first half of the first post and then click 'Reply'...

[Snail]

I read the whole first post and began sucking my thumb actually.

But it's so damn true.

[Mobius]

All these threads about muslims are a superb example.

EDIT: Add this to the list...

What happened the 27th of January, 1945? Not a single thread about such a tragedy. 1,000 threads about stupid arguments. Wow.

[Turey]

In the interest of clearing up the confusion, I'll make the following observation: If pessimism were an Olympic sport, Hard Light Productions would clinch the gold medal.

Probably the most-accurate part of the whole letter. 

[Fragrag]

What happened the 27th of January, 1945? Not a single thread about such a tragedy. 1,000 threads about stupid arguments. Wow.

Holocaust Memorial Day/Auschwitz Liberation?

[Mobius]

Give this man a cookie.

Do you see threads about the argument?

[Mr. Vega]

Goddammit. I am so dissappointed that's fake.

[redsniper]

Sorry, I only write that much if it's for a grade.

[Ford Prefect]

If ever I had a tough letter to write, this is it. My challenge is to convince you that given the public appetite for more accountability, a day without Batman would be like a day without squalid incendiarism. But first, let me pose you a question: Is Batman actually concerned about any of us, or does he just want to inject even more fear and divisiveness into political campaigns? After reading this letter, you'll certainly find it's the latter.

One of Batman's former foot soldiers, shortly after having escaped from Batman's iron veil of monolithic thought, stated, "Batman's violations of the rules of decency are so incoherent they beggar belief." This comment is typical of those who have finally realized that Batman's craven vaporings are not something that endears him to me. To top that off, ever since he decided to perpetuate inaccurate and dangerous beliefs about male-female relationships, his consistent, unvarying line has been that his vices are the only true virtues. In point of fact, we are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these "values" are artistically incorporated in one person: Batman. To use some computer terminology, his club has an "installed base" of hundreds of venom-spouting egotists. The implication is that Batman can't attack my ideas, so he attacks me. It could be worse, I suppose. He could impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs. In closing this letter, let me point out that I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that Batman uses good motives as a cover for evil ones.

[Deepblue]

I'd like to take a minute of your time to share some of my thoughts about Mr. Jack S Thompson with you. In the rest of this letter, I will use history and science (in the Hegelian sense) to prove that Jack's fabulous success is not firmly connected with meritorious ability. You're probably thinking, "History has once again proved me right." Well, you're right. But something else you should know is that you don't have to say anything specifically about him for him to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence. There is blood on his hands. But let's not quibble about that.

At any rate, what I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a foul wacko. It's a fact. Are you beginning to get the picture here? Jack loves everybody so much, he wants to rip out the guts of everybody who doesn't love everybody as much as he does. It is also worthy of note that it is easy to see faults in others. But it takes perseverance to bring Jack to justice.

Jack can't possibly believe that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by Jack himself). Jack's vapid, but he's not that vapid. What he does in private is none of my business. But when Jack tries to force us to bow down low before silly sandbaggers, I object.

It is clear from what I have already written that a great many of us don't want Jack to take over society's eyes, ears, mind, and spirit. But we feel a prodigious pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his dastardly expositions. Although there are no formal, external validating criteria for his unsympathetic claims, I think we can safely say that it may seem difficult at first to lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight. It is. But if I recall correctly, Jack's thesis is that the best way to make a point is with foaming-at-the-mouth rhetoric and letters filled primarily with exclamation points. That's absolutely effete, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that the problem with Jack is not that he's neo-passive-aggressive. It's that he wants to worsen an already unstable situation.

Let's understand one fundamental fact: If everyone does his own, small part, together we can guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity. Jack's premise (that profits come before people) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Jack uses this disguised morality to support his cock-and-bull stories, thereby making his argument self-refuting. You may balk at this, but quislingism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. Now that this letter has come to an end, I indubitably hope you walk away from it realizing that as conscious, sentient beings aware of our actions and capable of response, we must lift our nation from the quicksand of injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.


simply amazing

[Herra Tohtori]

As poorly qualified as I am to convince the government to clamp down hard on MPAA's offhand remarks, I hope you will bear with me while I begin this sincere and earnest attempt. And please don't get mad with me if, in doing so, I must exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum. Before examining the present situation, however, it is important that I reinforce notions of positive self esteem. I've never bothered MPAA. Yet MPAA wants to foment discourteous forms of political tyranny. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? I am not going to go into too great a detail about lewd, stentorian petulant-types, but be assured that anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that by allowing MPAA to create a new cottage industry around its self-centered form of sensationalism, we are allowing it to play puppet master.

I claim that MPAA's dupes are quick to point out that because MPAA is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, it is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, MPAA is a victim of its own success -- a success that enables MPAA to keep us perennially behind the eight ball. A great many decent people are just as distressed as I am about MPAA's asseverations. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation.

I don't mean to imply that none of what MPAA says carries any weight, but it's true, nonetheless. Sure, some of MPAA's conclusions are valid, but that's not the point. Let MPAA's sullen causeries stand as evidence that a common thread runs through most of MPAA's lamentations, a thread so treacherous that it disgusts me nearly to the point of physical illness. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, priggism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge. We should agree on definitions before saying anything further about MPAA's execrable allegations. For starters, let's say that "despotism" is "that which makes MPAA yearn to encourage bitter radicals to see themselves as victims and, therefore, live by alibis rather than by honest effort." To sum it all up, MPAA's methods of interpretation have proven to be a complete disaster in both theory and practice.

This letter may seem a bit long but RIAA's covinous, manipulative ramblings cannot be adequately described in less than a long essay. But first, I'm going to jump ahead a bit and talk in general terms about how RIAA's hypnopompic insights have an unsavory historical track record. Then, I'll back up and fill in some of the details. Okay, so to start with the general stuff, even if one isn't completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that RIAA is doing more harm than good to its cause -- and RIAA knows it. Hey, it's not my fault that RIAA thinks nothing of violating the spirit of an indigenous people whose art and songs and way of life are proof that RIAA justifies its plans to etiolate its enemies as "preemptive self-defense". I mean, think about it. RIAA has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever it thinks that means) to prove that honesty and responsibility have no cash value and are therefore worthless. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that RIAA is an inspiration to pouty extremists everywhere. They panegyrize its crusade to allow federally funded research to mushroom into a hidebound, grossly inefficient system, hampered by misguided, vainglorious hackers and hotheaded boors and, more importantly, they don't realize that if RIAA truly wanted to be helpful, it wouldn't feed us ever-larger doses of its lies and crackpot assumptions.

Mutual efforts against morally questionable, homicidal charlatanism are not just an educational process designed to teach people that RIAA is an institutional leech dedicated to sucking the life out of our doomed corpses. These efforts also serve as a beacon, warning the world of the prudish consequences of RIAA's revolting subliminal psywar campaigns. Let me carry my thoughts on this subject a bit further. RIAA maintains a "Big Brother" dossier of information about everyone it distrusts, to use as a potential career-ruining weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? The complete answer to that question is a long, sad story. I've answered parts of that question in several of my previous letters, and I'll answer other parts in future ones. For now, I'll just say that I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that RIAA is a proponent of "plagiarism" -- a term it uses catachrestically in place of "Dadaism". What I mean is that RIAA has never gotten ahead because of its hard work or innovative ideas. Rather, all of RIAA's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue.

There is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until RIAA and its patsies started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes organizations like RIAA want to interfere with the most important principles of democracy. The next time someone says that the rules don't apply to RIAA, look that person right in the eye and reply, "RIAA attempts to sound intelligent by cramming as many big words into a sentence as possible, whether they are used correctly or not." Woe to the despicable miscreants who base racial definitions on lineage, phrenological characteristics, skin hue, and religion! The doom-and-gloom, it's-too-late crowd always plays right into RIAA's hands. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that if you were to tell RIAA that it is not possible fully to understand the present except as a projection of the past, it'd just pull its security blanket a little tighter around itself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world. Thus, in summing up, we can establish the following: 1) The costs of RIAA's histrionics outweigh their benefits, and 2) no one of any intelligence believes that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that RIAA can dole out or retract.

Simply amazing...


EDIT: This had to be included... From archives of Imperial Database:

SUBJECT: Complaint about Lord Darth Vader
FROM: Stormtrooper VG-962, SSD Executor <[email protected]>
TO: Imperial High Command, Coruscant <[email protected]>
CC: Emperor Palpatine <[email protected]>, Imperial Navy Personnel Center <[email protected]>

A few weeks ago, I wrote, "A desire to wear a cloak of status and prestige is the only explanation for Lord Darth Vader's otherwise inexplicable behavior". In this letter, I'd like to follow up on that statement. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Lord Vader. I, speaking as someone who is not a mean-spirited freeloader, would like to comment on his attempt to associate metagrobolism with adversarialism. There is no association.

I have never been in favor of being gratuitously foul-mouthed. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities. What I am getting at is this: Lord Vader is unable to remove his mental shackles. (Actually, the yellow-bellied fruitcakes who collaborate with Lord Vader should be spat upon -- or worse -- for their lack of integrity but that's not important now.)

Plainly stated, if the only way to respond to Lord Vader's threats is for me to die in oppression, chaos, and despair, then so be it. It would decidedly be worth it because many people are convinced that he is up to no good. I can't comment on that, but I can say that Lord Vader makes it a point to make us dependent on blinkered twits for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. Lord Vader will almost certainly tiptoe around that glaringly evident fact, because if he didn't, you might come to realize that he once tried convincing me that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments. Does he think I was born yesterday? I mean, it seems pretty obvious that Lord Vader's cause is not glorious. It is not wonderful. It is not good. This march into barbaric racism is not happening by mere chance. It is not, as many jealous, viperine hackers insist, the result of the natural, inevitable course of things. It is happening as a direct result of Lord Vader's primitive inveracities. Sorry for babbling so much, but venal flakes are unable to see that Lord Darth Vader is unwilling to stand up for what is true and right if there is no personal advantage to him in doing so.

I guess that particular Stormtrooper was fed up with life or something...

[General Battuta]

I find his lack of faith disturbing. 

[Kosh]

I thought this was real at first.

[Tamlin]

I do believe !!! Right On!! [F***ing Commie] That was brilliant..Too bad i can use that site and do a letter and send it to my Bistro's Title holders I hate bankers 

[jr2]

Hmm..To get past this long complaintMy complaint about Mr. Scott Pakin

In a previous letter, I stated that Mr. Scott Pakin thinks there should be a law prohibiting people from saying any harsh or unkind things against him. That will be my position in this letter, as well. For starters, Mr. Pakin is undoubtedly up to something. I don't know exactly what, but he refuses to come to terms with reality. Mr. Pakin prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Think about this: he might tour the country promoting unreasonable exclusionism in lectures and radio talk show interviews sooner or later. What are we to do then? Place blinders over our eyes and hope we don't see the horrible outcome?

Mr. Pakin's personal interest in seeing his hatchet jobs shoved down people's throats is indecent, but that's to be expected of him. The simple, regrettable truth is that Mr. Pakin's politics are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Mr. Pakin's desire to formulate social policies and action programs based on the most out-of-touch types of charlatanism in existence is the chief sign that he's a footling theologaster. (The second sign is that Mr. Pakin feels obliged to put the prisoners in charge of running the prison.)

Just the other day, some of Mr. Pakin's disorganized, flagitious legatees forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Mr. Pakin's blueprint for a world in which what I call lousy killjoys are free to oppose the visceral views of 98 percent of the nation's citizens. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that Mr. Pakin does not merely supplant national heroes with what I call loquacious barmpots. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. Many people aren't aware of how purblind his traducements are, so let's present a little breakdown. First off, his apologists have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times -- stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize his disgusting allegations. It is obviously not a pretty sight.

We must hold not only Mr. Pakin, but also Mr. Pakin's emissaries, accountable for their sinister, catty teachings. While this lighthearted statement adds sorely needed humor to an otherwise tense situation, Mr. Pakin claims that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. That claim illustrates a serious reasoning fallacy, one that is pandemic in his precepts. Then again, I want my life to count. I want to be part of something significant and lasting. I want to halt the adulation heaped upon psychotic, bitter euphuists. I don't mean to throw fuel on an already considerable fire, but we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn't understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Mr. Pakin's dangerous deeds, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to eschew illaudable, arrogant mysticism.) One of the goals of narcissism is to render meaningless the words "best" and "worst". Mr. Pakin admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Mr. Pakin's own mediocrity can flourish.

If my memory serves me correctly, we must honor our nation's glorious mosaic of cultures and ethnicities if we are ever to beat him at his own game. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must honestly pursue because there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Mr. Pakin perverts hatred in order to make higher education accessible only to those in the higher echelons of society, it becomes clear that I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that he can't control his desire to have everything he wants and to have it now. What I mean is that Mr. Pakin proclaims at every opportunity that he'd never further political and social goals wholly or in part through activities that involve force or violence and a violation of criminal law. The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks. Taking that notion one step further, we can see that ever since Mr. Pakin decided to work hand-in-glove with jealous protestors, his consistent, unvarying line has been that his positions enhance performance standards, productivity, and competitiveness. If we contradict him, we are labelled dictatorial slaves to fashion. If we capitulate, however, we forfeit our freedoms.

It would be wrong to imply that Mr. Pakin is involved in some kind of conspiracy to take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift. It would be wrong because his attitudes are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but to say that everything is happy and fine and good is unconscionable nonsense and untrue to boot. I am sorry to have to put this so bluntly, but if his hired goons had even an ounce of integrity, they would build a new understanding that can transport us to tomorrow.

Mr. Pakin's attempts to jawbone aimlessly are much worse than mere adversarialism. They are hurtful, malicious, criminal behavior and deserve nothing less than our collective condemnation. Mr. Pakin claims that every word that leaves his mouth is teeming with useful information. I, however, claim that that's a load of crud. Yes, his brutish declamations benefit from this sense of "us versus them", but he is completely mistaken if he believes that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive.

We need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with Mr. Pakin. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that Mr. Pakin can fool some of the people all of the time. He can fool all of the people some of the time. But he can't fool all of the people all of the time. If there is one thing I have learned, it is this: He loves getting up in front of people and telling them that it is not only acceptable, but indeed desirable, to win support by encapsulating frustrations and directing them toward unpopular scapegoats. He then boasts about how he'll advertise "magical" diets and bogus weight-loss pills within a short period of time. It's all part of the media spectacle that is Scott Pakin. Of course, he soaks it up and wallows in it like a pig in mud. Speaking of pigs and mud, if my own experience has taught me anything, it's that every time Mr. Pakin tells his helpers that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. When Mr. Pakin hears anyone say that comments like that don't sit well with pigheaded megalomaniacs, his answer is to poke and pry into every facet of our lives. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to view the realms of deconstructionism and vigilantism not as two opposing poles, but as two continua.

Perhaps it sounds like stating the obvious to say that I, speaking as someone who is not a sadistic, impolitic upstart, stand by what I've written before, that Mr. Pakin's exploitative, grungy grievances disgust me. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that Mr. Pakin argues that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: His slaves consider his hypnopompic insights a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of chauvinism. It may seem senseless to say that Mr. Pakin's behavior is absolutely out of line. Nevertheless, the position can be defended. I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to suggest the kind of politics and policies that are needed to restore good sense to this important debate because doing so clearly demonstrates how whenever he is blamed for conspiring to portray what I call prissy rascals as primates, he blames his associates. Doing so reinforces their passivity and obedience and increases their guilt, shame, terror, and conformity, thereby making them far more willing to help Mr. Pakin yield this country to the forces of darkness, oppression, and tyranny. Couldn't you figure that out for yourself, Mr. Pakin?

Mr. Pakin sees no reason why he shouldn't turn us into easy prey for postmodernist soi-disant do-gooders. It is only through an enlightened, outraged citizenry that such moral turpitude, corruption, and degradation of the law can be brought to a halt. So, let me enlighten and outrage you by stating that there may be absolutely nothing we can do to prevent Mr. Pakin from making good on his word to incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately. When we compare this disturbing conclusion to the comforting picture purveyed by his intimates, we experience psychological stress or "cognitive dissonance". Our only recourse is to make plans and carry them out. We should agree on definitions before saying anything further about his fatuous cajoleries. For starters, let's say that "credentialism" is "that which makes Mr. Pakin yearn to utilize questionable and illegal fund-raising techniques." I conclude this letter with an appropriate quote: "Mr. Scott Pakin is an enemy to his friends and a friend to his enemies." I believe we all know who said that, don't we?My complaint about Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator

I have a few points of contention with Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. The rest of this letter is focused exclusively on Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator, not because I harbor any ill-will towards it but because it argues that we can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune. I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: It has delivered exactly the opposite of what it had previously promised us. Most notably, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's vows of liberation turned out to be masks for oppression and domination. And, almost as troubling, its vows of equality did little more than convince people that it proclaims at every opportunity that it'd never desecrate personal religious objects. The organization doth protest too much, methinks. Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is typical of militant goofballs in its wild invocations to the irrational, the magic, and the fantastic to dramatize its credos. If you want to hide something from Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator, you just have to put it in a book.

If, five years ago, I had described an organization like Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator to you and told you that in five years, it'd burn its opponents at the stake, you'd have thought me clueless. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how statistical details released by a third-party agency indicate that its harangues are a cesspool of propagandism. Nevertheless, I can state with absolute certainty that it once tried convincing me that it is rabid to question its solutions. Does it think I was born yesterday? I mean, it seems pretty obvious that in public, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator never fails to deny minorities a cultural voice. I don't mean to scare you, but Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator will do the devil's work because it possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses lame-brained autocrats with evil and uncontrollable rage. While Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is honestly entitled to ignore good advice from intelligent people, I, speaking as someone who is not a lewd sandbagger, have always been an independent thinker. I'm not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that "Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator" has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone fill our children's minds with obnoxious and debasing superstitions, I tell him or her to stop "Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator-ing".

We will have to become much more vigilant to ensure that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator doesn't corrupt our youth. Once you understand Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's canards, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator give voice, in a totally emotional and non-rational way, to its deep-rooted love of anti-intellectualism. Although Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator obviously hates my guts (and probably yours, as well), Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I believe that there is, because Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator knows how to lie. It's too bad it doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator harbors a sense of entitlement and an expectation of success beyond reason. Even more remarkable, you shouldn't let Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator intimidate you. You shouldn't let it push you around. We're the ones who are right, not Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator.

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's sinister ravings leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children its enemies? It is bootless to speculate on the matter, but it should be noted that I call upon Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator to stop its oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon it to be an organization of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon it to forgo its desire to cripple its enemies politically, economically, socially, morally, and psychologically. Once again, to believe that the majority of self-absorbed quacks are heroes, if not saints, is to deceive ourselves.

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's factotums don't represent an ideology. They don't represent a legitimate political group of people. They're just flat supercilious.

It has been said that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator can be described only by such words as "wicked" and "stingy". That makes sense to me. I believe it's true. But it unequivocally implies that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's invectives are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to cover up its criminal ineptitude. Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's encomiasts probably don't realize that, because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, it is planning to enact new laws forcing anyone who's not one of its mercenaries to live in an environment that can, at best, be described as contemptuously tolerant. This does not bode well for the future, because its claim that it acts in the name of equality and social justice is factually unsupported and politically motivated.

We can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but I cannot compromise with Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator; it is without principles. I cannot reason with it; it is without reason. But I can warn it, and with a warning it must clearly take to heart: Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator holds onto power like the eunuch mandarins of the Forbidden City -- sterile obstacles to progress who reduce our modern, civilized, industrialized society to a state of mindless, primitive barbarism. To say otherwise would be frightful. I indubitably hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator does any real damage. Or is it already too late? I've never really gotten a clear and honest answer to that question from Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. But what is clear is that it doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. If you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, the hate just keeps on coming. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is stepping over the line when it attempts to sucker us into buying a lot of junk we don't need -- way over the line. In a previous letter, I announced my intention to raise the quality of debate on issues surrounding Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's ignorant, disorderly catch-phrases. Naturally, this announcement caused Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator to mutter abuses befitting its character. Incidents like that truly demonstrate how it has announced its intentions to impose tremendous hardships on tens of thousands of decent, hard-working individuals. While doing so may earn Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator a gold star from the mush-for-brains neopaganism crowd, I, for one, do not propose a supernatural solution to the problems we're having with it. Instead, I propose a practical, realistic, down-to-earth approach that requires only that I defy the international enslavement of entire peoples.

To quote the prophet Isaiah, "Woe to ye who destroy the values, methods, and goals of traditional humanistic study". If the country were overrun by depraved mafia dons, we could expect to observe widespread discrimination in our daily lives -- stares from sales clerks, taxis that don't stop, and unwarranted license and registration checks by police. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that its concept of team play is sideline sulking. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that. I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that you should not ask, "What will be the next object of attack from Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's polity?", but rather, "What is this ghastly fascination Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator has with separatism?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because in times of economic, social, or political crisis, small groups that make a fetish of the virtues of headlong unilateralism suddenly gain a mass following. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator contend that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible? That is, is it really its impression that terrorism and post-structuralism are identical concepts? Apparently, even know-it-all Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter if it did, given that in these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, its most abysmal tactic is to fabricate a phony war between conniving hucksters and pompous, condescending derelicts. This way, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator can subjugate both groups into helping it convince huffy brigands that there is absolutely nothing they can do to better their lot in life besides joining it. I sincerely don't want that to happen, which is why I'm telling you that it would be wrong to imply that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is involved in some kind of conspiracy to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. It would be wrong because its plaints are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but the pen is a powerful tool. Why don't we use that tool to rouse people's indignation at Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator? I am now in a position to define what I mean when I say that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator makes free and liberal use of chicanery, deceit, intolerance, lust, persecution, and oppression. What I mean is that I am sick of our illustrious "leaders" treading on eggshells so as not to upset Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. Here's what I have to say to them: If Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is going to impair the practice of democracy, then it should at least have the self-respect to remind itself of a few things: First, under the guise of "fighting collectivism," it will supplant one form of injustice with another. And second, if it had its way, schools would teach students that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. This is not education but indoctrination. It prevents students from learning about how if Fate desired that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator make a correct application of what it had read about alarmism, it would have to indicate title and page number, since the misinformed beguiler would otherwise never in all its existence find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, one of Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's trucklers keeps throwing "scientific" studies at me, claiming they prove that two wrongs make a right. The studies are full of "if"s, "possible"s, "maybe"s, and various exceptions and admissions of their limitations. This leaves the studies inconclusive at best and works of fiction at worst. The only thing these studies can possibly prove is that I maintain that the best way to overcome misunderstanding, prejudice, and hate is by means of reason, common sense, clear thinking, and goodwill. Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator, in contrast, believes that its way of life is correct and everyone else's isn't. The conclusion to draw from this conflict of views should be obvious: Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator will probably never understand why it scares me so much. And it does scare me: Its calumnies are scary, its ramblings are scary, and most of all, its idea of violent conformism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of a deluded, witless blood-lust. It is, in every sense, a parasitic and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a beer-guzzling frenzy and then prompts them to bring ugliness and nastiness into our lives. Human life is full of artificiality, perversion, and misery, much of which is caused by the most fatuous philosophasters you'll ever see. Natural law is therefore the fulcrum upon which rests the case that if anything will free us from the shackles of Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's imperious, paltry proposed social programs, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that when it comes to its monographs, I surely claim that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to demand a thoughtful analysis and resolution of our problems with Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator. The sooner we do that, the better, because I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator needs some serious professional help." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather, because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that my long-term goal is to cast a gimlet eye on Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's prevarications. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, the last time I told Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's apostles that I want to focus on the major economic, social, and political forces that provide the setting for the expression of a xenophobic agenda, they declared in response, "But one can understand the elements of a scientific theory only by reference to the social condition and personal histories of the scientists involved." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. Idle hands are the devil's tools. That's why Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator spends its leisure time devising ever more self-righteous ways to ruin my entire day.

Although everyone has goals, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's goal seems to be to make people weak and dependent. Sure, we could just sit back and let Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator dump effluent into creeks, lakes, streams, and rivers, but that prospect really grates on people who have any kind of common sense. Even as I write those words I can feel Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator cringe. That's okay. Cringe. I don't care, because if it thinks its ebullitions represent progress, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator should rethink its definition of progress.

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator keeps telling us that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. Are we also supposed to believe that it has the authority to issue licenses for practicing metagrobolism? I didn't think so. While most people know this like a schoolchild knows that 2+2=4, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator claims that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. I respond that those who fight against its loquacious, featherbrained subliminal psywar campaigns are inevitably branded as malodorous and high-handed by its hirelings. If I weren't so forgiving, I'd have to say that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator is trying hard to convince a substantial number of raucous, gloomy tin-pot tyrants to devise ostentatious scams to get money for nothing. It presumably believes that the "hundredth-monkey phenomenon" will spontaneously incite confused vigilantes to behave likewise. The reality, however, is that we must act honorably. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to stick to the facts and offer only those arguments that can be supported by those facts. You must be the one to respond to Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's ideals. And you must inform your fellow man that Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator should clarify its point so people like you and me can tell what the heck it's talking about. Without clarification, Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator's arguments sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. I'll end this letter with a personal invitation to Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator itself: If you care to respond to what I wrote, please do, especially if you think that I am being inaccurate or unfair. I do not wish to misrepresent you in any way whatsoever. Pax vobiscum.