[blackhole]

http://www.fmylife.com/top

Today, I was reported to my principal because someone caught me shooting up at the cafeteria lunch table and as a result I have been suspended from school. I am a diabetic, I was giving myself insulin before I ate crappy school food.

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

(Note: This makes me very nervous about still not having received a decision from them)

Today, I was out to dinner with my little sister when this elderly woman sitting alone started choking and I rushed over and started doing the Heimlich Maneuver, She's now pressing charges on me for assault. I'm a paramedic.

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike.

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

Today, I found out I won a 20 000 or 30 000 dollar scholarship. After celebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour, we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name. When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she had received my rejection letter.

Today, I came home early from work to surprise my son with a new mountain bike for his birthday. To keep it a surprise I carried it quietly up to his bedroom. As I opened the door I heard my son say "Oh man, you're gonna make me cum" to the nice girl he was on top of. He just turned 14.

[Dilmah G]

That last one made my mouth drop

Today, I came home early from work to surprise my son with a new mountain bike for his birthday. To keep it a surprise I carried it quietly up to his bedroom. As I opened the door I heard my son say "Oh man, you're gonna make me cum" to the nice girl he was on top of. He just turned 14.

Woah, that would be so weird/awkward

[Pred the Penguin]

That one make me chuckle a bit. o_o

[Kosh]

I think the first one is a classic example of the out of control drug policies in American schools.

[Stormkeeper]

I think the first one is a classic example of the out of control drug policies in American schools.

More like how frequently kids in American schools shoot up.

THis is my personal favorite, though;

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

[Demitri]

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Now that is just ****ed up!  

[Blue Lion]

So 90% of these are people realizing they're dating or married to jerks?

[Polpolion]

~95% is teenage angst. ~5% is general retardation. <1% is genuine baw material. 

[S-99]

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike.

Rofl
Reminds me of myself and some other things i did when i was younger. Totally still amazes me in life that many are without the concept of balanced trading.

I let a friend borrow a dollar with a assurance from her that she'd pay me back. Met up again with her two days later asking for my dollar back. She said that it was only a dollar and wondering what the big deal was. I then died inside.

Lack of principle i tell you

[Solatar]

A good portion are kind of stupid, but every once in awhile a jewel comes along.

[iamzack]

Too many of them are like "today, someone called me fat. *whine*"

Retawded.

onesentence.org is betterer.

[Dilmah G]

I suddenly felt more isolated than before when I realized that my husband and I were in the same house, communicating by Twitter.

 

[Kosh]

More like how frequently kids in American schools shoot up.

Actually in american schools you're not allowed to take your own asprin, tylanol, anything for heart burn or upset stomach, etc because they are all considered to be "drugs".

[Fury]

Actually in american schools you're not allowed to take your own asprin, tylanol, anything for heart burn or upset stomach, etc because they are all considered to be "drugs".

Is that true? If so, it's retarded.

[Commander Zane]

Yes, you can't even take cough drops with you.
At least my high school was like that. But I don't get sick so that's more a problem on everyone else.

[Solatar]

Actually in american schools you're not allowed to take your own asprin, tylanol, anything for heart burn or upset stomach, etc because they are all considered to be "drugs".

Is that true? If so, it's retarded.

Definitely true. I used to carry around Advil in a breath mint tin.

Although I expect with a diabetic an exception would me made. The local school board granted a bassoon player in my high school special permission to carry a reed knife in her bassoon case (it's VERY sharp and similar in size and shape to a cut throat shaving razor). She had to keep the special letter in her case at all times. It seems like that diabetic kid would have done much better if he had approached the principal/nurse at some point in time and said "hey, I'm diabetic; who do I need to speak to to be allowed to carry insulin shots?"

[Nuke]

i personally just self medicated by smoking dope during gym class

[S-99]

We're in alaska nuke. We're not the norm ok.

[blackhole]

Actually in american schools you're not allowed to take your own asprin, tylanol, anything for heart burn or upset stomach, etc because they are all considered to be "drugs".

Is that true? If so, it's retarded.

You have any kind of drug at all and your in big doodoo. Even if its Tylenol.

[Hellstryker]

We're in alaska nuke. We're not the norm ok.

No, he's in AZ now.