Author Topic: Aircraft maintenance  (Read 7791 times)

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Got this from a fellow student a while ago, thought I'd share:

In aviation, the pilot reports problems he notices with a so-called Gripe Sheet. The technicians on the ground then analyze and repair the problem and also log their work on this sheet, so that the pilots can see what has been done.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And one especially for The E:

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

Offline headdie

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that's brilliant
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 :lol:

All those were good, but this one especially:

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
:wakka:

 

Offline Satellight

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  • Star Dreamer

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

These make me particularly laugh  :lol:
Never far away from HLP and from a computer with an installed FreeSpace.

 

Offline Sushi

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For reference (classified as "Legend"):
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp


 

Offline Satellight

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Quote
Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

 :wakka: :wakka: :wakka:
Never far away from HLP and from a computer with an installed FreeSpace.

 

Offline newman

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Oh, man.. received this in my email 5 years ago :D Still funny though. My personal favorite has always been "Almost replaced left inside main tire." Back then the email claimed it was excerpts from Quantas's TLBs (Technical Log Books).
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Offline Nuclear1

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Quote
Defect:  Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action:  Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: The autopilot doesn't.
Action: IT DOES NOW.

:lol: :lol:

And yes, a lot of these sound more like Air Force reports than anything...I can sympathize with a lot of them :D
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Offline Nuke

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old, but still funny

Quote
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
« Last Edit: December 06, 2010, 02:04:19 pm by Nuke »
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Offline Flipside

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My personal favourite from when I worked at Farnborough was:

P : Possible defect in Pitot-Static system
S : Asylum offered

 

Offline Rodo

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I lol'd

My thanks.
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Offline achtung

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These are very funny.

More please.
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Offline Flipside

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The only other one I can remember that made me laugh was:

P: Ill-fitting throttle grip.
S: Medicine given, fitting throttle grip now feels better.

Or something like that, it was 20 years ago.

Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2010, 02:55:07 pm by Flipside »

 

Offline peterv

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I demand a little longer explanation  :mad:

 

Offline Angelus

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This is epic!

 

Offline Dilmah G

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Indeed. :lol:

 
Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
Please explain it. I googled it, but to little avail. ;)

 
Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
You made us curious now :P

 

Offline Flipside

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:lol:

Well, we had some Russian diplomats visiting the base, right near the end of the cold war, and were under very strict instructions not to talk to them or tell them anything, since we were no more than apprentices at the time. However, we, as a bunch of teenagers, thought we really ought to greet them in some manner.

Now, the thing about working with aircraft is that you avoid electric tools, there are a lot of flammable liquids involved, so, most tools at the time were powered by a high pressure air-hose system, and we often used bright yellow marigold gloves when handling some of those liquids, since they were less prone to splitting than surgical gloves. This formed the basis of our idea...

Come the day of the visit, a bunch of very stone-faced, serious Russian diplomats were touring the airbase in staff cars, they rounded the corner of 'Q Shed', which was the training shed, only to be faced by, sticking out of the second floor window, an enormous Marigold glove, inflated to about 40-50 times it's normal size, gently waving at them in the wind.

We got into so much trouble for that....

 

Offline Herra Tohtori

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As long as lulz was had, I'd say it must've been worth it.
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